University of New Mexico Women’s Soccer- Go Lobos!

As a lifelong competitive athlete myself and former Division 1 soccer player, I can fully relate to the tunnel vision that is often present when devoting the better part of your life to competing in your sport. Along with most athletes I speak with, I still get the occasional stressful dream about forgetting the right jersey color or frantically searching for my shin guards nowhere to be found. Or, the irrational fear I’m going to have to run sprints if I’m right on time- because that was considered late! Being an athlete seeps into your psyche! It can easily start to feel like the centermost point of your identity and worth rather than something fun that you enjoy doing. And despite years of having amazing coaches- if you’re lucky, it’s almost inevitable to internalize harmful messaging related to your sense of self-worth being tied to your performance.

Weekends and evenings, even holidays were usually spoken for, all in the name of being a competitive athlete and striving to be my best. In college the grind of juggling a full course load, getting up before dawn for weights, followed by class, then another practice (or two) and finally trying to cram in studying or homework- in addition to a crazy travel schedule, just became the norm- as it is for most student athletes.

The discipline, organization, drive and focus that I had cultivated also came with a shadow side of anxiety and imposter syndrome. I thought it was perfectly normal to have racing thoughts and lay awake spinning as a result of all the pressure and expectation to keep up the current pace- feeling like there really was no other choice but to soldier on- I was in it. This eventually led to an unhealthy relationship with food and alcohol to escape and cope with it all- even if the reprieve was short lived and often made managing the stress and anxiety that much more difficult.

It wasn’t until discovering the world of philosophy and mental health (and Eckhart Tolle!) that I began to realize that I could actually change the way I think, feel, behave, and ultimately experience life. I realized how powerful the mind could be when examined, challenged and used with intention. Life changing!

My time as a competitive athlete is deeply woven into how I think and operate, and it still sometimes requires checking. Over time, I’ve come to appreciate the joy of slowing down—the power of mindfulness and becoming more fully present to truly enjoy life. While I still pursue big goals and push myself, the key difference now lies in the motivation. It’s not what you do, but why you do it. I’m no longer driven by pressure, anxiety, or the need to prove my worth. Now, I approach challenges with excitement and ask myself, 'Wouldn’t it be fun to experience this new challenge?' It’s a mindshift that takes practice and cultivation. You can get there too, and I’d love to support you on your journey!

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